I guess it's simply the most apt place to jot down my stream of consciousness on what has been happening lightly. Hopefully even, I can gain some insight on how to make this year a little more enjoyable.
The purpose of this 'blog' isn't really for entertainment, or even viewing - I may keep this on private - but rather a place where I can look at how this year's progressed and save it for a lifetime. If you are reading this, welcome to probably one of the more.. depressing blogs written, I wish it wasn't so but this is the way it's turned out.
EDIT: I'm not sure how to turn this on private but i'll simply add no tags/not share it.
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19.10.14
You never realise how real death is until someone puts a number on the days you have left.
2014 has been going great. It's coming to an end, I'm finally doing decently in my grades for once, my brother's working, we're all one big happy family.
Jokes.
Grandpa has been having bowel problems - more specifically good old constipation. Heads over to the doctor, next minute, he's hospitalised.
I come back from uni, oh grandpa is in hospital? Mum says it's nothing major so it's all good.
Jokes.
Turns out it isn't "all good." A couple of X-Rays, a MRI Scan later and apparently they've found three tumors, one in his pancreas, two in his lungs. Diagnosis is on Monday (20.10.14) and in the case that it is malignant, he has one year...
One fucking year...
I visited him that night, and to be completely honest it was one of the worst visits I've ever made. To listen to my grandpa tell me what he thinks is happening - some sugarcoated bullshit analysis that the doctors told him - and to know what really might be happening was truly heartbreaking.
I don't know why I'm so frustrated/angry about this whole ordeal, but I guess it's just the suprise and how truly sad this is.
This man who has been part of my whole childhood, put a camera in my hands and taught me photography is now sitting in a hospital bed, oblivious to the fact that cancer might be sucking the life out of him.
I don't know, I'm going to stay positive - there's still a good chance it'll be benign. I truly wish that is the case, and I'll be able to end this silly blog.
